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SAD..
Wednesday, June 24, 2009 @ 9:29 PM

Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, involves intense fear of certain social situations — especially situations that are unfamiliar or in which you’ll be watched or evaluated by others. These social situations may be so frightening that you get anxious just thinking about them or go to great lengths to avoid them.

I can't stand living with this. I used to think the 'body dysmorphic disorder' was the main issue.. but it's not. This social anxiety disorder is the core to all of my problems.. and I feel like, maybe i've somehow been able to push aside BDD for a bit.. or maybe i've dealt with most of it. It's still there, but I wonder how much of it actually is BDD.. and what portion of it is actually just the SAD. Either way, my life right now is ridiculous. I have no social life whatsoever.. I'm working casually 'cause this anxiety restrains me from anything more.. and i'm just.. scared of life. period. I'm so worried how people react to me with what I say or do, it's insane. It's not even about looks now, i'm almost past that.. it's just in general. I can't stand feeling vulnerable in a situation.. or trying new things because of the reaction people MIGHT give me. Might, in my case, is always the negative. At least it's always negative when i'm thinking about it beforehand. I can't even go online to talk to the few friends I do have because this is all I can think of.. I can't put it aside because of tomorrow.. and I don't think I can even concentrate or focus on having a conversation because it's consuming my thoughts completely.

Tomorrow is kind of a SAD sufferer's worst nightmare.. starting something new.. meeting TONS of new people.. and not really feeling confident with what you're doing.

I'm just socially awkward, and I know I'm only speaking from my experience.. but I would trade this anxiety for another in a heartbeat. But, at least I know what the core issue is..

Confidence.